Codependency
Codependency is a relationship dynamic where one person in the relationship is extremely reliant on the other, to the point where one is absorbed by the need of the other’s approval. Codependency can be found in a variety of relationships, including partnerships, parent-child, and friendships. If you are codependent, decisions can seem impossible for you to make on your own. You need the other person to make decisions for you because you don’t trust your own decision-making. You hate who you are and seek validation from others, most significantly the person you are codependent on. When you don’t get that validation and attention, the world falls apart. You feel lost, like a boat without a rudder. Because of this, you avoid conflict at any cost. You are so terrified of losing this person you behave in ways that betray yourself to keep them happy and in your life. This behavior may include enabling the other’s poor behaviors, such as allowing them to treat you poorly or providing them with money they haven’t earned. You know this person isn’t treating you the way they should treat a loved one, but the fear of losing this person overrides everything else. Just thinking about life without them is so painful that it triggers anxiety. You feel your heart start to beat fast, breathing shallow, and you must push the thought out of your mind completely to avoid going into a full-on panic attack. It’s hard to remember who you are, what activities you enjoy, what values you hold dear, what your goals are, because your identity is consumed in the other person. You engage in activities this other person enjoys, you hold the values that the other person holds without question, and you are too busy doing what the other person wants to reflect on your goals and work towards your goals. Sometimes you are ok with this though because the other person is all that matters. You admire how others put boundaries in their life but feel like you can’t. Eventually, however, this way of relating to other people is exhausting. Resentment begins to grow, and your feelings of self-esteem and self-worth suffer. You get sick of others saying you are “too clingy”. You want a healthy relationship but are not sure how to get there. This is where I can help. Take a risk and reach out. You’ll be glad that you did.